Practicing Gratitude

              It was the entertainer Ken Dodd, he of the ‘Diddy Men’ who made popular a song written by Bill Anderson: ‘Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I possess

I thank the Lord I've been blessed with more than my share of happiness.’
Happiness is a wonderful thing, if we’ve been granted that gift, but what if we haven’t, can happiness be cultivated?

          I read an article today by Moya Sarner, a self-confessed atheist and cynic. The title was ‘Is gratitude the secret of happiness.’ This lady basically spent a month trying to reflect on the things in her life that she was grateful for. Initially she found it very hard, she was sceptical as to whether it was even a good thing, let alone whether it was the panacea that could help countless thousands that some lifestyle gurus are suggesting. She writes, ‘Even hearing the word “gratitude” makes my shoulders tense and my eyes narrow. I am too cynical to get on board this particular Oprah bandwagon-too British, too atheist, too sensitive to schmaltz.’

However despite this initial ‘reticence’ she started practicing, making time each day to record the things in her life that she was grateful for. I found her conclusions fascinating. She acknowledges that there are pitfalls to an approach which says that in all situations the key to happiness is gratitude. After all in some situations it is harder to be grateful than others. Some people have never learnt gratitude because as children they have never received love. Simply telling people to be grateful could actually add guilt to go alongside whatever real life struggle they were already facing. However the core of her conclusion for herself, was that even for a British, cynical, schmaltz averse atheist, this practice was really powerful and really beneficial. As she learnt to reflect and think about the things in her day for which she was grateful, she soon noticed that she simply ‘felt’ better.

So why do I bring this to your attention in this Thought for the Month! Well I couldn’t help noticing that Moya Sarner felt that in a discussion of gratitude it was necessary to include that she was an atheist. (In all other areas, cynical, British, Oprah averse and deeply suspicious of schmaltz, she and I are at one!) Implicitly she acknowledged that ‘Thanksgiving’ has been part of many religious practices, reflecting each day or season on those things that have been good. I have just had the privilege of sharing in our annual ‘Harvest Thanksgiving.’ I gave each person the opportunity to add to a ‘Thankfultree’ their leaf of gratitude, a place to record ‘before God’ the things for which they were thankful. It was a great moment, such a variety of thoughts and observations, such a ‘wealth’ of things to be thankful for; encompassing, food, family, shelter, love, laughter, beauty… the lists could go on and on.

Whether you share my faith or not, I believe that learning and practicing ‘thankfulness’ is actually a very spiritual thing. As if to confirm this I recently awoke from sleep, and in that half-light between waking and sleeping I felt myself, ‘giving thanks’ in a way I’d never done before. It was as if I was part of a river of thanksgiving that was pouring out through my heart, it just seemed to go on and on. It was both strange and yet deeply wonderful.

One comment in the above article amused me somewhat. The question was asked why was gratitude a good thing, and how did it develop? Apparently the economist and philosopher Adam Smith had a theory that gratitude has an evolutionary purpose. He argued that society only really works ‘if we repay the aid we get from other people, but since we have no legal or financial incentive to do so, we have evolved a sense of gratitude that makes us do it.’ I totally recognise this concept but to me it is nonsense to suggest this is genuine gratitude. I had the privilege of living in a Chinese culture in Taiwan when I was younger. Within that culture there was a massively powerful sense of this powerful force. It went by the name of ‘Gwanshi.’ Rather than gratitude I would describe this as ‘obligation.’ If something happened and it was fine you were left with no ‘obligation’ the phrase used was ‘Meyo Gwanshi’ (no obligations.) (Apologies if I have misspelled these Chinese words.) This was a really common phrase… akin to our phrase of OK, or OK there are no strings attached.

In my view contrary to any obligations Jesus nailed what really creates gratitude and indeed where it ultimately comes from! He advocated an attitude towards giving which expects nothing in return: ‘If you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that…. If you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that ……do good to your ‘enemies’ and expect nothing back…..then you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.’ (Lk 6)

There is so much in life that we have neither earnt nor really deserve, a beautiful sunset is one example, someone forgiving us when we’ve messed up is another, my wife bringing me tea in the morning another. Gratitude is simply a ‘natural’ response, and something most of us would discover is actually really good for us as well, beautiful.

Stephen Newell (British Cynic but learning to be deeply grateful.)